Yesterday, the richest socialites and dignitaries from England and beyond headed over to Ladies Day at the Royal Ascot race meeting, sort of like Halloween for the obscenely wealthy. As is tradition, England’s richest ladies go on parade in the most expensive of haute-couture gowns, shoes, and — most importantly — hats. Oh, the hats. Let’s take a look at The 10 Silliest Hats in England, yes?
10.
This woman must be very brave. For starters, I’m not entirely sure that that hat doesn’t have a heartbeat. Much like the Alien in Independence Day, this hat might secretly be alive, waiting for the perfect moment to laserbeam his mindthoughts over to our President Bill Pullman. But let’s say this isn’t an otherworldy creature, and, in fact, is just a hat as she’d like you to believe. Wouldn’t you think other birds in the neighborhood would lose their sh*t at the sight of this woman? Imagine spending a nice day in the park, only to see some bird wearing a hat made out of people. You’d probably be pretty upset. Luckily, this woman seems to have a back-up plan in place in case of any unwanted deadly attacks, as her purse seems to have come equipped with an ejector seat. Good thinking, lady with no eyes.
9.
Nothing says “British Class” like a woman wearing a miniature toilet, or “loo”, on her head. Though I imagine once she removed her hand, her head would quickly fall to the floor like so many rotted teeth. If only a tiny man were taking a “wee poo” on that hat, my personal circle of life would be complete.
After the jump, 8 Hats you do NOT want to miss…
NOTE TO LITTLE PEOPLE: If you’ve ever wanted to roll around in the famous American Gladiators Sphere for a bit, contact the woman above. She’ll be wearing said sphere on her head. Thank you, Minimanagement.
7.
Much like Homer Simpson’s “Nacho Hat”, this head covering is simply delicious. UPDATE: Wait, is that little cake made out of PORK, as that sash indicates? In which case, let me backtrack: That cake is not delicious… it is SCRUMPTIOUS.
6.
Remember in National Lampoon’s European Vacation, when all of their luggage got stolen and they had to buy entirely new wardrobes? I’m still not entirely convinced the above snapshot is not a still from that montage.
5.
Guess who took a quick dip in the cemetary pool last night? Daffy Duck, seen above.
4.
How can you tell when a loved one is being abducted by aliens? When they are wearing this hat. Her smile just screams “Take. Me. To. Your. Inbreeder.”
3.
Guess who smelled like baby vomit all night?
2.
This hat isn’t so much “silly” as it is “terri-f**king-fying”. It looks like she’s being chased by the Ringwraiths from Lord of the Rings. And this poor woman… look how happy she is!!! She has no idea the four whoresmen of the apocalypse are hot on her tail! Look how happy she is to see you… she’s all “Hi Bahsil! What? Behind me you say? Ghosts? Oh Bahsil, you ol’ –” THUD. El morte.
1.
What else do you say about this guy? That hat is absolutely silly! It’s like he doesn’t even know he’s wearing it.
In the #9 pic, why would a seemingly lovely young lady wear a toilet on her head? If she is into that sort of thing I guess that would be the best way to advertise one’s vices in a very Monty Python manner.
I wish you could have presented these pics in rapid succession with Yakkity Smacks playing in the background…oh well.